Why "Good Vibes Only" Isn't Really Good

An exclusive 8-page download for identifying and setting boundaries with the "nice" narcissist

The benign, or “nice”, narcissist is the form most people miss because the outer presentation looks like everything we have been taught to admire. They are amiable, fun-loving, gregarious, and charming, lighting up a room and gathering people easily. At first glance, there is nothing predatory or problematic about their presentation. What people often fail to notice is that the absence of overt aggression, or the lack of competitiveness, does not always mean the absence of narcissism. Many benign narcissists are highly competitive, yet it does not lead to interaction. This is because the overall tone is bright, charming, and socially fluent, and quite often the deeper narcissistic patterns remain unseen until intimacy exposes them.

For those of you familiar with the Enneagram, this presentation often appears among Nines, Sevens, Twos, and sometimes Sixes, as the social ease, positive outlook, and desire to keep things pleasant, light, and copacetic can camouflage the underlying self-referencing. Nice narcissists tend to thrive in their youth because novelty, parties, and popularity-building reward charm and glibness. Quite often, people want to be around them because when their attention, affection, or praise is thrust toward you, it can feel like the sun is shining. Over time, however, the same qualities that contribute to their magnetism become exhausting. Invariably, friends, partners, or colleagues begin to feel that the lightness comes at the cost of contact. The nice narcissist, sensing that their novelty has worn off, often drops those who have begun to notice the mask slipping, leaving behind a trail of friendships, relationships, or co-workers.